I was tossing and turning before my alarm went off which was at 6 AM and I wasn't tired either. I felt energized and happy which is weird because I'm usually still a zombie dumping into walls and covering myself from the light (such a vampire). But this morning was different, I felt a sense of happiness out of no where. Nothing ruined my morning not the fact that I got my period or that it was raining (I love the rain and I don't PMS like normal girls). I left my house listening to the sound of rain pouring over my umbrella. I rarely use umbrella's I hate them, their just a hassle and I lose them all the time -__- As I'm walking to the 7 train, I'm stepping into puddles and I don't mind, I felt like a kid again for that 5 minute walk. I don't have my IPOD due to my destruction of headphones so the rain was my music this morning. The constant beating against my plastic umbrella, the splashes my feet made whenever I stepped into a puddle. I was taking notice of everything, each small detail today.
On the train platform I saw my former dance classmate of sorts Tanya and we always catch up for the next 2 train rides. She's younger than me but we were both anger at one point and we just share stories. I always enjoy her company, she's a good kid.
0 Period -A.P. English Seminar
1 Period - A.P. Calculus
2 Period- A.P. Literature
3 Period- A.P. Government and Politics
4 Period- LUNCH
5 Period- A.P Physics C
6 Period- Gym
7 Period- PowerPoint
8 Period- Art
9 Period-A.P Calculus Seminar
So I'm entering my school at around 7:45 and the Program Office where I hang out and where two of my most important teachers reside in are. I forgot to finish my A.P. English research outline, structure isn't my forte. So I was going to use the extra minutes I had to try to finish one but I failed.
I went late to A.P. English because I wanted to spare myself time but that didn't work so I just ended up going and the class was discussing Oedipus Rex and Medea. Themes that correlate with these Greek tragedies, such as "Hubris is the demise of the characters" or "Is fate in our control?" It was mostly questions that these tragedies arise in one. I love this part of class, but it was to early in the morning and I just felt like so light that I didn't want to try much.
THE FIRST TIME EVER! I got a 6 out of 7 on a Gateway Quiz WOOT WOOT!! But then I got a bit upset the day I get 6 out of 7 the class decides to do BLAH! -__- SMH!! Oh it was Daniel's Birthday today so Melissa and I said HAPPY BIRTHDAY! during that class period, the nice act didn't last long. We're always smartasses to each other, its the beauty of it.
Ms. Patel didn't ask for the outline and she gave back my college essay with a bunch of scribble scrabble. We had an in-class essay to do, I personally felt like I actually did great on this one. I usually don't finish because I don't know what to write, it takes me a while to write the introduction and then after that I have several moments of writer's block so I lose time on pointless crap. But today I wrote 2 pages front and back and I finished before time so I was able to go back and re-read and put in more points and what not. I hope I did good on it :]
So we're having an in-class campaign simulation. We're currently learning about the whole nominee processes so in order to fulfully understand our teacher is having us hold campaigns within our class. I'm in the Republican party and I represent the state of Idaho (chosen for me) and there are two types of campaigns. One within the party to elect the party representative and the other is between the party representatives. So Bryan from the Republican side won and John from the Democratic side won. Both cool cats :] Biedermann is trying to work us for the small vacation we have by giving us 3 chapter outline packets to do -__-
Lunch was with Mommy Melissa and we were talking about my blog of the other day. She was laughing at me as usually. I really can't recall the conversation which is a shame -__-
I did not fall asleep today in Physics WOOT ! I actually understood what was going on. I was being extra mean to Jeremy and Daniel, told them to jump off a cliff :]
Gym was hilarious like always. I was with Shanique and we're talking about how childish I am and how most of the people in here look at me like I'm a weirdo which I'm totally okay with. Shanique is part of Epic Theatre so I was helping her rehearse and I was being just an asshole by acting out the part of a sterotype actor. With all this exaggerated gestures and screaming then softly speaking lines. Trying to mock when someone cries on cue, I was just acting silly. Oh and I did 12 girl push ups to me YAY!
I'm doing a presentation on the Hokey Pokey, I really like that song when I thought about it. Don't ask me why. I did not choose the theme of this presentation which is nursery ryhmes. I just do what is asked of me. But I was laughing at what people were choosing and their comments like Ba Ba Black Sheep is a racist nursery rhyme. That had me rolling :]
I got back my sketch book from my art teacher which is great because I miss drawing in it ever since she collected it for no reason. So I got it back and I just started drawing random stuff like a wine glass tipping over, an engagement ring. Clouds surrounding a full moon. I was relaxed while I was randoming drawing for that class period.
AFTERSCHOOL
I went to Ms.Patel to get more feedback on my college essay. She thought it was a good start and gave me more structure and suggestions. After that I went to A.P. Calculus Seminar and learned more derivatives YIPEE! I understood it I just hope I incorporate it on paper. After Seminar, Melissa and I were chilling in the Program Office. She's doing the 2934872394 rewrite of her college essay, and I'm just beginning to revise mine. I had to take two Gateway Quizes for derivaties and I got 5 out 7 on one I was so upset -__- Anywho we just stayed theretill around 6 something and found out that Cortney is my soulmate <3 She loves to cook so that is enough for me. She can fatten me up anytime :]
I treat Cortney to a bag of chips and I buy myself a snicker bar and walk in opposite directions of her and Alondra. I pray that Alondra doesn't push Cortney into the tracks because there goes my wonderful new found cook :] So I take the E on Spring Street and I forget this is rush hour -___- I manage to find a seat next to this really big guy who squished me against the bar of the corner seat. I was like whatever, I don't know why but once I entered into the train I felt my bubblyness (if that is a word) fade. This beautiful white blue eyed faired skin woman is standing in front of me. Starring at me, with wonder and I look back with eyes that are blank, there is no challenge or hostility in my gaze. I simply stare back and turn away. I found her beautiful for some reason, and she found me rather intriguing because she didn't stop looking at me, gave me expressions of trying to figure me out. If I were to see myself on the train I would just see myself as someone bored on the train and that was what I was. But she looked at me as if I don't know, but I didn't mind. She then left and I fell asleep for a few stops or so.
It wasn't until I was getting out of the train well being pushed out by all the people wanting to get out, did some guy touch me -__- GREAT that's what I needed... sigh* After that I just had a serious look which translate into a sad face for many who see me. To lazy to catch the other train I took the bus and I found a seat and I was comfortable until this elderly woman soft spoken starts giving me a speech, rationalizing, giving excuses for why I should give her my seat. I wouldn't mind giving it to her, but she had the audasity to come to me, out of all the people who were sitting down and were closer to her, she came to me. Frusrated by the man who touched me, and the fact that the woman came to me, I respectfully said I understand and I got up and I sucked my teeth because I didn't realize how tired I was until I needed force to get back up.
I finally got to my doorstep and as my mother opens the door the questions come out. Asking where am I coming from? Are you sure you were in school? Look at me when your talking? Are you lying? You would think a mother would have trust in their child who is a nerd and does nothing but try to please her -___- NO! that simply rises more questions. I go inside say hi to family members I don't understand or care to. Going inside my room I put on music and then my sister and 1st wife come in. I'm on the computer and I want to write about my day so far. Donna (only younger sister) needs the computer to do her A.P Spanish Essay. I didn't mean to give a calm attitude but my sister always gives attitude back with much more and I wasn't in the mood so I just respond calmly like before there is no need for the attitude and she always gets defensive so I just walk away.
I know when to pick my battles and I was exhausted that I didn't want to deal with her stupid tension. I go into my mother's room and just stay there for a while, I lock the door and I'm just thinking as I'm looking into the mirror. What do people see in me? Because right now I see a fragile young lady. My eyes look so tired and worn out, as if I've been high all day. I look pale and sickly. I was like why do I look so sad right now? I was happy just a few hours ago, is being happy that exhausting, am I out of pratice that I can't hold it for an entire day? I want to analyze myself further but my mother interrupts my thoughts when she tries to get into the room. I open the door for her and she looks at me and says "You look like your guilty of something" and this is when my frusration takes over and I respond with hoslitity NO. This triggered so many thoughts, for instance "Why can't I have an off day without being questioned for doing something wrong" "Why is it that when it comes to be I have to be happy for everyone else's sake" and what hurt me the most right then was the question "Why do you doubt me so much?" I felt like crying before she came in the room but because I felt overwhelmed, and I needed some type of release. But I can't cry for my sake that easily, my mother is the only one without any effort who can provoke such reactions from me -___- I leave the room because I can't stand being with her at the moment I go to the bathroom and this is when I feel more safer, I feel my eyes water but then they clear and I'm okay again.
I go back to my room to find my wife has bought herself the new IPOD and she needed my Itunes and good converstaion. Jenny my wife and childhood friend usually goes through to much shit with guys. I love her dearly but whenever she comes over, we talk about the current situation she's going through which is never a good one. I don't understand why people like her get hurt, when she doesn't deserve it -__- She's to much of a good person to be shitted on constantly by these "bad guys". I've never been in fall nor do I want to be. And she's one of many prime examples of why I don't want to be. I've wiped her tears so many times, that I know the game that her guys played from left to right. I didn't need to be in love to see the hurt it causes. I remember the constant nights she would vent out everything and I would comfort her to the best of my ability. And I reminded myself I would never want to be in her shoes and I haven't. So today, after two months of the break up with the love of her life, it still makes her cry. She's telling me the bullshit his feeding her and it's hurting her. And I can't stand to see her this way. We're laying down on my bed, her legs over mine and she's crying and telling me with just emotion in her voice I couldn't help but be moved by her vivid pain. We stay like this for a while, laying next to each other and just being there for her. She falls asleep and I let her for a half and hour then she leaves.
I then help my mother pay her bills online.
Then I finally have time to write on my blog. Then I get a text from Jonathan and this is all it takes to make my seldom mood turn to a more lighter mood.
Jonathan: Imy! =/
This alone brought a grin to my sad face. We're still texting each other :]
Sincerely yours,
Katherine
P.S. Forgive any misspelling/grammer mistakes, if I forgot any details I'll fill it in some other time, I was just jolting things down.
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