Classic Case.

You’re a classic case of insecurity
Afraid of them seeing what lies behind all those fabrications you’ve created to belong
Concerned on what others think and not paying attention to your own thoughts
Your mind is racing and is so attentive but not towards yourself
But the crowd fluttering around you, and your mind is to busy assuming the worse love
Until your insides start acting up, your body always betrays you
Cause your body knows better than your mind at this point
And your other is taking over; the side that wants indulge in its own desires
So now the fighting is beginning once again
Your at constant battle with yourself
The good and bad plague you, and its noticed cause its marked against your skin
Their all a part of her yet she still tries to fight it
She doesn’t realize she’ll only win when she embraces all her sides
But her mind isn’t on winning but rather surviving this battle
That has been going on since her silent moments of childhood that you kept yourself tormented
You never realized silly girl that your own salvation is yourself
No other could save you from the abyss of your dark mind
But you were too demanding to see that
To busy blaming & scheming
So much resentment for what you didn’t understand
And your to lovely to have such thoughts in your head
And when you hear her thoughts spoken it’s as if passion takes a form in her voice
But behind every word lurks her bitter side
The anger, resentment, sadness, and loneliness she holds on to
Since she has nothing else to
All contradicting emotions linger by her side
And reek out onto her words which start off heated with passion then cooled down by her softness
She learned how to make her words become soothing and inspiring
And many seek her for her words
So young and hardly experienced to be capable of giving advice yet she’s fit for the job
Her advice is based on all the factors not her opinion
Your wisdom comes not from your own experience
But of those who tell their tale to you
Their stories made you live, their pain was your own
As well as their sorrow, happiness, anger, and thoughts
You absorbed it all, took it all in to save them
What a mistake it was to burden yourself with their skeletons when you haven’t gotten rid of yours yet
That’s how you know she’s losing her battle
But like you were never about winning
You were only about surviving and feeling
Considered the valiant one for choosing to encounter your evils
Your no coward but you are a fool
For absorbing what you don’t need, but its isn’t just the redundant experience that entertains you
It’s the thrill of the consequence, the aftermath of your action that pulls you in
It is what marvels you enough to commit sin after sin
This is when your other kicks in and takes over
While you suffer from guilt of indulging, you redeem yourself by helping others
It’s been engraved in your nervous system; it’s a part of you
Countless times people tried to pull you away from that, and try to save you
But they could never, if you always end up saving them in the end
So many failed attempts due to their lack of understanding you
My heart aches for you darling
How can you expect anyone to understand your internal war that you go through alone?
And you still have the strength to fight other people’s demons as well as your own
I admire you entirely and its sad to know that
You’ve settled for giving herself till there is no more
So she won’t have to feel this anymore
She wants to give it all away so she doesn’t have to be with it anymore
This aching hole that lingers in her chest that pulls and tugs at her
She won’t accept your charity of emotions
So brainwashed to not be loved
You who have taken many male companions but none understood you
Not the way you wanted them to
They never truly saw you for you
They never noticed you
The things that made you, you
Like the way you would speak to them
In a husky light soft tone, she would whisper sweet comforts
Always lovely were those words exchanged between lovers
But over times the richness in your voice has faded
What happened did you get tired of fighting against yourself?
Did time and life worn you down finally?
You were but a child when the world made you all grown up now
Nonetheless you hung on to your innocence
Although you mask yourself with your witty remarks and comments
One can tell your tired of holding onto ideals of good things
When all that surrounds you isn’t
Those fire eyes of yours seen to much, and when you glance into them
Their pleading for everything to stop, to just stop
Just for a second, just long enough for her to get the one thing she’s been searching for
Which is love
She has sacrificed herself to many times that now she’s exhausted of giving hers away
Demanding they claim her to be that they can’t complete her requests
They never understood that all ever needed is
To have someone just love her, not the common way others have
She’s been loved in all the wrong ways
Her body used and abused for the pleasure of others
Her mind forever curious and seeking answers to questions that everyone has long forgotten
Never satisfied always with thirst for more, with a throbbing heart that isn’t completely hers or there
Behind that robust chest of hers lies a big heart that doesn’t beat
Its there but with no meaning to serve
She breathes just to breathe no reason other than it’s a necessity
Exhaling the impurities of her body
Inhaling the sins of others
And her breathing process is fading in the background as she escapes from this
So where did that lovely girl hide?
Because we all know she’s somewhere lost
And it would be a pity to lose something inside all of us
That little something called hope.
-Palaguachi