Numb.

I can not let
I will not let
You make me feel
It is against the rules
I'm seperating myself from emotions
So I can breathe easier without those sentiments burdening my chest
And as the cliche goes it becomes easier as the days go by
I am no longer affected by you as yesterday
I don't experience the luxuries of happiness or anguish today
Co-existing off the intoxicated air of today's atmosphere
I simply linger in existence
Completely ignorant of those everyday emotions
Numb to affection
Fearing where this cynicalism will lead
And even though my cool exterior is quite decieving
I'm undergoing an internal change
My organs are rearranging themselves
I'm disposing of unnecessary things heart
Seems my body has gone into shock
Cause I'm not aware of anything but time
And I'm running out of it with every moment I waste with you
And I'm hanging onto passion
Which is leveling my temperature
Cause I'm not sure if I'm cold or warm blooded anymore
A creature stepping into new found no man lands
A dangerous mental territory
A place unknown to me, cause I still haven't explored the outer corners of my mind
I stand in a place where you can not reach me
Located somewhere in between my lost morals and my fears that cling to the walls
Waiting to attack anything that they can infect with a mental poison
I've been here to many times before
That it's the same old wounds
My body has acquired the anti-bodies
So I'm okay for this, cause I've become immune
And ever since then I've been numbed down and I don't know why
Seems that trip has disrupted my capability to feel
Cause I'm not sensible to what I should be
Not sure how to react to what's been done
Totally ignorant to your feelings
Cause I've lost all my emotions
So I don't know how to deal with your's since I can't find my own
Guess this occurs when someone questions and makes one reflect of past experiences of yourself and others
Taking a current course on the History of Lost Ones
Where my teacher is Life and I am a pupil
Reading the chapters of my life that I long to forget and remember
Underlining the lines in which you enter and consume my pages
To finally understand the lesson of my life
That no one realizes their true pain in the moment of its occurrence
That we really don't acknowledge what we endure
Only after we reflect on it
And it is time that grants this
And it's your time now,
I've been given a gift but its a curse to you
Cause you wish I could feel
At this moment my state of numbness is what saves me from the past pain inflictions.

To be continued...